He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
