dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
