Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
