I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
...so i touched it.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
