I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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