I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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