Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Two words: blizzard sex
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
