well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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