The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
