my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
