Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
