I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My ass is underappreciated
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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