he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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