I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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