I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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