You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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