My sheets look like a crime scene.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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