He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
