I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
