She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
