1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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