WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
