Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
