4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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