Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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