eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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