We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
