My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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