your thong is hanging out like whoa
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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