Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
