In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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