Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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