dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
