he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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