Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
