I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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