Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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