So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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