i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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