either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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