i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
