He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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