i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
