How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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