im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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