Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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