btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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