There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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