she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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