I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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