My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
