Already got asked if we're dating
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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